Plan, Humiliate Lee!
by DrunkDitz
Summary: I wanted to humiliate Lee; it was as simple as that. At least it would be that simple if the annoying boy wasn't so oblivious and hot! . . . He is not hot just annoying! Damn it he will pay for flustering this Kazekage!Now a two shot or more.
1. Chapter 1

**Plan, Humiliate Lee**

**Summary: I wanted to humiliate Lee; it was as simple as that. At least it would be that simple if the annoying boy wasn't so oblivious and hot! . . . He is not hot just annoying! Damn it he will pay for flustering this Kazekage!**

**A/N: Cute, funny Gaalee one-shot! Heh it just came to me really, almost out of nowhere as if it was planted in my mind by a higher being . . . LULU THE CHOCOLATE DEMONS ARE BACK! **

**Warnings: Shounen ai!**

**Disclaimer: Truly do you think that I, a girl so obviously obsessed with yaoi, would write a non yaoi anime like Naruto-though there are so many obvious yaoi pairings i.e., Sasunaru-I think not! Therefore I do not own it.**

Gaara stared at the dark haired boy and instantly grew furious. _Do not kill him, do not kill him_. Gaara repeated over and over again in his head like a mantra. _Think of Naruto, he is Naruto's friend and therefore you cannot kill him. _Damn it WHY did the overly annoying, green obsessed, eye brow possessing moron have to be Naruto's friend? Gaara's eyes narrowed at the thought of his eye brows. The second thing he hated about the moron. The first being his obliviousness of the fact that Gaara obviously hated him and therefore did not like it when the boy came up to him and started speaking of 'youth'. The rest in order were the over use of green, the almost never ending strain of energy-like Naruto but different because Gaara found Naruto tolerable and therefore ignored the fact that he was a moron with a loud mouth and nonexistent patience, the constant invitations to spare, the stupid breath taking smile, the irritating beautiful eyes that were forever sparkling with joy, the loud attention catching delicious voice, and that idiotic but yet sensually alluring random poses.

Yes it was obvious that Gaara disliked . . . no despised the dark haired boy named Rock Lee. Especially those enormous EYEBROWS! Gaara didn't find it fair that the boy could have such large ones when he had none! Gaara remembered when Naruto had told him that Lee had stolen his eyebrows; he had been furious and rushed to the other boy with the intent to kill him. Though Naruto had caught him as he was grabbing the moron by the shirt and demanding his eyebrows back, Naruto had disentangled him and told Gaara that he had been joking. Gaara was still suspicious though. It had been a mortifying affair and the moron had only made it worse when he had the gull to laugh at him! At Gaara of the Sand, a rightfully feared ninja! Oooh yes Gaara did despise that gorgeous ninja and had therefore come up with a plan.

Plan: Humiliate Lee!

There were many stages to this plan as Gaara had a lot of time what with being the Kazekage. Nobody was stupid enough to attack when he was the Kazekage after all he was a jinjuriki with immense power and his ninja were not week, it was suicide to do so. All he was ever supposed to do was paper work. Because Temari talked at meetings and such because he was not a very verbal person and he had been known to be . . . blunt. Kankaro dealt with assigning missions and dealing with other land representatives because once again Gaara wasn't very verbal, sociable, and very, very blunt. Though he could always be depended on if there were emergencies. There hadn't been many and so he had much time to work on this plan. And he knew when he was going to put it into action as well.

There was a meeting of the leaders of each land in which they would speak of problems and such. Usually they would send representatives because it was far too dangerous for all the leaders to be in one place especially when many of them did not get along with each other. He was going to send Temari but then he heard where they would be holding the meeting, in the leaf village as in where the idiotic, hot, sensual, loud, annoying, bushy browed ninja would be. Yes Gaara would not be sending a representative, he would go and he would execute Plan: Humiliate Lee! Though he would still take Temari because once again, Gaara was nonverbal, antisocial, and very, very, very blunt.

His siblings tried and failed to talk him out of it. They didn't understand that this was a perfect opportunity to execute Plan: Humiliate Lee! They did not know of his plan . . . well Temari might she had found his evil plotting, pink, glittery, kitty notebook. Though she had said idiotic things like that he did not in fact despise the moron but was in love with him. She had said that the proof was if the hearts with Lee's name in the scribbled all over his notebook. This was obviously preposterous because Gaara obviously hated Lee and those were not hearts just drawings of a bloody goop which he labeled Lee to show how much he hated him. Nope obviously not hearts, Temari was blind and read too much Yaoi.

Though the leaf's Hokage had finally given in she had said that she would send ninja to escort him. She had been adamant and Gaara couldn't talk her out of it and by talk he meant making Temari right a letter of how he was against it she had ignored him. If only he could somehow send his glare to her in that letter she would surly give in then, but alas he couldn't and was precisely why he was now being escorted with Temari, by Naruto, Kakashi, Sai, and . . . Lee . . . As in THE Lee who had attached himself-not physically but he might as well have been for the little space that was left between them-to him and was speaking about the 'youth' nonsense again. Naruto his only way out of having to chat-and by chat he meant grunt every five questions or so-with the green moron was arguing with the pail one about his dick size. Gaara found this disturbing because he saw Naruto as his brother and thoughts of brothers made his evil mind think of Kankaro's size which was even more disturbing. So even though he absolutely despised the green idiot he choose to hang back with him so he wouldn't have to hear Naruto and the pail one's conversation and be forced to think about his brothers and their . . .sizes. Gaara shivers at the thought and tries to brutally push it out of his mind.

"So Gaara my dear friend when we return to the village will you do me the honor of sparing with me?" Lee asked loudly and joyfully.

Gaara turned and glared at the green idiot figuring that, that answer would suffice.

Lee pouted those adorable, full, pink lips of his. "Come on please Strawberry-sama?"

Gaara nearly tripped over his feet at hearing those words. Snickering erupted then fallowed by Naruto's loud. "STRAWBERRY-SAMA?"

"Yes." Lee answered easily as if Gaara wasn't sending hate waves to him with a passion. "Don't you think it suits him? He has red hair, and he is sweet!"

Naruto looked at Gaara and then broke out in laughter. Gaara glared, sometimes he despised his brother.

"Do not call me that." Gaara said tersely not looking at Lee as his face tinted pink.

"Why not Strawberry-sama? I think it's cute!" Lee asked.

Gaara glared at him again. "No it is not! It is degrading!"

Lee pouted. "No it's cute! I like the nickname!"

Gaara glared turned into an evil, plotting smirk. "Well then if I get one then so do you . . . hmmm, you are now green-kun."

Laughter fallowed this and Gaara's smirk widened, perhaps his plan to humiliate Lee had already begun.

Lee's eyes widen comically. "GREEN-KUNNNNN! Why?"

Gaara rolled his eyes. "There is more green on you them I have red as you can see."

Lee's expression turned to one that made Gaara want to run it looked . . . flirtatious?

"Well now I can't really say that now can I?" Lee said smoothly.

Gaara narrowed his eyes. "And why, prey tell is that?"

Lee leaned close to him. "Well I've only seen the hair on your head but your probably right. . . ."

Gaara's eye twitched. "Are you implying that I am hairless under my clothes?"

"Well I can't say that now can I?" Lee asked in a flirtatious whisper.

"Would you like me to remove them so I can prove to you that I in fact am not hairless?" Gaara said through clenched teeth.

Lee grinned. "Who am I to resist such an invitation?"

Gaara glared. "Fine then! I am not to be held responsible for my actions though!"

"I wouldn't ever dream of it." Lee whispered sexually as Gaara pulled him into his embrace, told him rather tightly, and disappeared into the sand with his teleportation jutsu.

Leaving silent, wide eyed, and gaping escorts. Temari just rolled her eyes.

Plan: Humiliate Lee! Failed.

Plan: Show Lee That I Do In fact Have Hair! In progress . . .

**A/N: Heh, heh, heh! ****Yeah I know Lee is like totally ooc but hey at least it was cute! *Giggles* isn't it funny how Gaara is in denial to the end? Review people and tell me what you liked and disliked, it helps us lowly fanfic writers improve!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Plan: Humiliate Lee!**

**A/N: Kay this was originally a one-shot but because of my lovely reviewers I have expanded it! Love you all! This was originally suppose to be a cute funny one-shot with slight hints of Shounen ai and no real explicit or any kind of sexual content. I want to keep this 'pure' so there won't be any lemons. And nothing really sexual except the rather obvious message in Gaara and Lee's dialogue. Love you!**

**Warnings: Yaoi**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything it really is sad but no use in crying over spilt milk . . . *Wails like a child***

**Chapter 2**

Plan: Show Lee That I Do In Fact Have Hair!

Yes that was the plan . . . plan B, plan A will not be discussed because Gaara has a way of completely forgetting failure. Yes the plan was working perfectly, he had transported Lee to the Leaf village without incident and had escaped the idiotic gaping looks of his comrades and delirious thoughts of his older sister. Love, Pfft! As if! He, Gaara, Kazekage of the Sand did NOT fall in love! Such things did not exist for him and if they did they would obviously NOT involve the large eye browed boy!

Gaara HATED Lee. Lee had gorgeously large eyebrows, an innocent looking expression, enticingly annoying skin tight green clothing, and a way of rambling off about 'youth' for hours off end that was slightly calming. Yes it was obvious to everyone-except Lee because he was oblivious-that Gaara hated Lee. After all how couldn't it be?

Yes the plan had been going rather swimmingly until they were surrounded by the Leaf's ANBU. It turns out that poofing into a powerful village like the Leaf without warning was . . . not smart to say the least. The idiots had actually tried to attack him! He, Gaara, the Kazekage of the Sand! He had nearly killed them for their impertinence and ignorance but then decided that this would upset Lee and he could not have that, no not until he stood stark naked in front of the boy and watched the large eye browed boy flush in embarrassment at the sight of his body hair! Yes humiliation and then he would kill these idiots.

After knocking the men senseless, and hearing the green one gush about his strength and power-he allowed the Strawberry-sama to go un reprimanded only because Lee was complimenting him and NOT because he found the nickname at all cute-he dragged the group toward the Hokage because after all it would look rather unfitting for him to leave them sprawled on the ground like that when he was a guest in her village. The plan would be postponed until further notice.

He arrived at her office only to come face to face with the old hag yelling at Naruto for "Losing the red haired brat." He felt his non-existent eyebrow twitch, if he was a brat she was an annoying, gambling geezer. He threw the men in between them-Gaara had tied them together because they were easier to drag this way-and watched in concealed amusement as they started. The two blondes whipped around to where he and Lee stood, the others had already been doing so since he stepped in.

"There you are brat!" The geezer shouted a vein visible in her misleading face-the lady may look young but she was actual well around sixty.

Gaara couldn't even give a grunt before Lee interrupted. "Please Hokage-sama don't be angered at Strawberry-sama! It was my fault! I challenged him to a test in youth and he could not refuse!"

Naruto snickered at this and Gaara had to remind himself that Naruto was his friend and he couldn't very well go around ripping said friends tongue out, no doing so would be unseemly.

"Strawberry-sama?" She asked softly raising her eyebrow.

"Green-kun stop spouting nonsense." Gaara ordered easily ignoring the geezer completely.

"Yes Strawberry-sama is a cute name isn't it? I think it fits him completely! He is so sweet and red!" Lee replied completely ignoring Gaara in turn. Gaara's eye brow twitch.

"Green-kun?" Gaara asked softly, danger leaking from his voice.

"Yes Strawberry-sama?" Lee asked his eyes big and bright in innocence.

"Did I not tell you to stop spouting nonsense?" Gaara asked easily.

"But Strawberry-samaaaaa! I was just explaining to Hokage-sama what we were doing so that you would not take the fall! Though I am saddened that we could not partake in the glorious test of locating your body hair!" Lee whined.

The whole room seemed to blush except Gaara and Lee because Lee was oblivious and Gaara was Gaara.

"Green-kun stop spouting nonsense such things show be dealt with at a more appropriate time." Gaara answered apparently immune to the uncomfortable silence of the rest of the people there-besides Lee of course.

"Yay! Though you'll have to let me inspect every inch of your skin though!" Lee demanded.

Gaara rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes Green-kun now do shut up."

Lee was apparently deaf. "And perhaps you should be restrained-the bed is soft perhaps there?-so you do not back out! . . ." Lee went on and on while Gaara nodded absently and the rest of the people either got nose bleeds or fainted-or in Tsunade's case left to locate an aspirin-at every suggesting that left Lee's soft, full lips.

Love, pfft! As if Gaara would put up with him because of that! No he was just doing it for the humiliation Lee would feel at the sight of his body hair! Yes that was the sole purpose of listening to the boy's constant chatter. Love it was laughable!

Plan: Humiliate Lee. Failed.

Plan: Show Lee That I Do In Fact Have Hair. Success . . . ?

**A/N: Done, done, done! Just as promised! Tell me if it's good, Kay? This story is complete but if you would like a sequel just ask! Though the sequel will probably be M rated so yeah . . . Love you all! Sincerely Stonerosy. **


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